DEAR AMY: I am a personal trainer in my early 20s. I have been hooking up with a woman (almost 40) for the past few months, two or three times a week. Her husband found out about us. Yesterday, he called the gym where I work and also called my mother and told her I was sleeping with his wife. My mom is furious. Then he came after me at the gym. I told him to calm down, but he took a swing at me and we fought. I knocked him out cold. He was out cold for about five minutes on the floor. The manager at the gym fired me for fighting. I think it was wrong of the manager to do that, as I was only defending myself. Now I’m wondering how to get my job back. I talked to my lady friend and she told me her husband is home in bed with a couple of broken ribs and a headache. He couldn’t go to work today. How can I get my job back?
DEAR TRAINED: “My mom is furious” is a sign that you aren’t grown up enough to shoulder the burden of being a true badass. I hope you wise up.
I think you are very lucky that you weren’t arrested for assault. Your manager was justified in firing you. Your behavior put this business (and other patrons) at great risk.
I would not want to attend a gym where a trainer regularly hooked up with a married patron, and then beat that person’s husband to unconsciousness — right there in the gym. You obviously take no responsibility for your own actions and how they contributed to the outcome.
DEAR AMY: I always assumed that my hairstylist of many years and I didn’t see eye to eye on most political issues, but we kept our talk to personal lives and movies and TV shows. She’s a genuinely nice person and I’m certain she’s kind to everyone. Then on social media, she attacked a politician I truly admire. I just can’t go back to her as if nothing happened. I just can’t go back at all. Should I ghost her, or should I tell her that I’m switching stylists, and why? I don’t really want to make her feel bad, because she’s not a bad person. We just disagree.
DEAR GOING GRAY: You seem to like this hairstylist very much. You acknowledge that she is a good person and is kind to everyone. I assume that she is good at her job.
You say that she “attacked” this politician on social media, but you don’t mention any other details regarding this attack. Did she use foul language? Was this attack personal, untrue, or deliberately offensive? Did you respond to her post, expressing your own views and urging her to reconsider hers?
What you seem to be saying is that you cannot patronize the business of someone who openly opposes the politician that you like.
You have the right to patronize any business you want. You don’t need to explain your departure, unless she contacts you for a follow-up appointment and asks why you aren’t continuing your business with her.
If you do decide to explain yourself, you could say, “I am so sensitive that I simply cannot tolerate the fact that you don’t like my favorite politician, and that you’ve expressed your view, publicly. My scalp and follicles simply won’t stand for it, so I’ve decided to take my business elsewhere.
DEAR AMY: After ending a long and unhappy marriage, I met the love of my life. We spent the first four years enjoying the freedom of two empty-nesters with comfortable incomes and few obligations outside of work. However, we shared a sense of loss that we’re beyond the childbearing years and would never raise a child together. That’s when the idea to foster a teen occurred to us. Amy, it has been an amazing experience! We get to share our home, wisdom and resources with our foster son while experiencing the joys and challenges of child-rearing together. He is transforming into a wonderful young man before our eyes. Please encourage others to consider this choice. The rewards are immeasurable.
Proud Foster Mom
DEAR PROUD: Your letter makes my day. I hope your generosity inspires readers to consider becoming foster parents.
The National Foster Parents Association has a very helpful list of requirements and resources for prospective foster parents. Check nfpaonline.org/foster.